usman

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, “How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?” The guy takes … Read more

Two bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook last Christmas,” says the first, “but I was never able to do anything with it.” “Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asks the second. “You said it Every one of the recipes began the same way, ‘Take a … Read more

A dad walks into a market with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is … Read more

Dad: Who do you like more, Mum or Dad? Little Johnny: BOTH Dad: Ok if i go to America and your mum goes to Paris, where will you go. Little Johnny: Paris… Dad: That means you like your mum more? Little Johnny: No, that means i like Paris Dad: Ok if i go to Paris … Read more

Husband to wife: “Today is a fine day.” Next day he says: “Today is a fine day.” Again, the next day, he says the same thing: “Today is a fine day.” Finally, after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband: “Since last week, you have been saying ‘Today is a fine … Read more

A woman was driving through the countryside late at night when her car broke down.About a mile down the road, she came to an old farmhouse. Two elderly men came out. “Can we help ya, miss?” “Yes, my car broke down about a mile back. Could you drive me to the nearest town so I … Read more

A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore. “It’ll never work, honey.” he says to her. “Crabs walk sideways and we walk straight.” “Please,” she begs her father. “Just meet him once. I know … Read more

A cowboy rode into a windy, dusty, tumble weed strewn Nevada town, reined up outside the saloon, went in and ordered a double bourbon. The saloon was full of locals But what this cowboy did not know was that this town was a haven for thieves and rouges. Having finished his drink he exited only … Read more

Wife: Where are you? Husband: At home love. Wife: Are you sure? Husband: Yes. Wife : Turn on the mixer. Husband : (turns mixer on) Rrrreeereeeereeee… Wife: Ok my love goodbye. Another day Suspicious Wife: Where are you? Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure? Husband : Yes. Wife: Turn on the mixer. … Read more

A couple were sitting in the lawyer’s office working on their will. The lawyer tells them that they should discuss end of life issues how they want to be treated. The man turns to his wife and says: “Please promise me that if I am ever dependent only on machines and bottled fluids to keep … Read more